Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
