is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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