well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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