Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
