I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
