after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
