I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My vagina just recognized that song.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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