Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
