perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
