he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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