Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
