if you like me you must not know who I am
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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