Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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