On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
