Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
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