you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
