Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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