So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
