If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Your cock deserves a montage
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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