i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
