Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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