He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
