Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
