And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
