Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
