Will you blow on my dice?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
