I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
