I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize