Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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