I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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