He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
