My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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