I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
