My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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