Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
