Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize