Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
too bad you live with your parents still
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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