i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize