Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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