You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
