Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's shark week go big or go home
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize