i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
