There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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