Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
