I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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