Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
