It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
