that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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