this boner is exhausting
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
