Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize