just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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