so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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