i permit you to call me
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
