Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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