a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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