he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
