What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
