I hate all girls vehemently.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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