I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
