I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
