I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
dude. I can hear the air.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
