Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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