one might say we're banned from that church
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
