My sheets look like a crime scene.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I got inside last night via doggy door
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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