I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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