Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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