Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
