Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
