I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
